God Doesn’t Want Me To Kill Myself
On Sunday, God decided . . . let me start again, remembering that I am a philosopher and theology nerd. At some “point’ in “eternity past” God “always intended” but communicated to me temporally on Sunday, that this week would be about people. All of my task based intentions should be dashed. I thought He was kidding. I was wrong.
My “reasonable service,” my “spiritual act of worship,” my “meaning of life” for this week is to be willing and able to throw aside all of my plans, at the drop of a hat, to be there for others.
This has been my week. It took 3 days of phone calls, ‘random’ bumping into people, kids showing up at my classroom door, and emails out of the blue for me to accept this. But, damnit, am I trying to get other things done.
So, at every turn, whenever I attempt to sit and accomplish a task which I feel is important, from grading, to cleaning my house, to cooking food, a person I love, in need, presents themselves. I don’t have a choice. I’m being taught to remember why I am who I am. I’m a people person. I am not a task person. I swore I would kill myself before I because I ‘get the job done’ person over the needs of others. If I looked back on an event and saw myself say, “sorry, I need to shuffle these papers, you’re on your own,” I’d have to kill that person.
Apparently, this is God’s way of keeping me alive.
Week’s over. I think if I attempted to record here the number and types of issues which came up, to say nothing of specifics, I might cry.
It is enough to say:
I hate parents. I hate corruption. I hate guys. I hate the system. I hate the man. I hate the supposed separation of church/state. I hate that I hug or smile does not rewrite the past.
MEH said this on September 30th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
We have already talked, but as I read this again, I’m sorry. That’s all I have. As meager as it may seem, the hugs and smiles mean more than you may know …
JD said this on October 10th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Such is life
MEH said this on October 11th, 2007 at 10:51 pm